The Protagonists' Plea
by BedHead-RedHead
Summary: The League of Protagonists from recents fiction works dislike the fanfiction being written about them, they hold the biggest meeting of all time to meet the writers in an epic battle!
1. Starting, but Waiting

The Protagonists' Plea

Chapter 1: Starting but Waiting

"I'M HEEEEEEEEEERE!"

But it was only him. Harry Potter, a boy of sixteen, was alone in a smallish conference hall. He shrugged his shoulders, pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, and waltzed in, not showing the slightest displeasure of being the only one on time for the meeting he had traveled so long a distance to get to. So long a distance, but short in time, as he had recently received his license to apparate. The watch on his wrist showed 1:00. He sighed and moved the folding chair to face the near thirty others, leaving a long, black scuff on the hall's floor.

Minutes later, Harry was startled by the screech of tires quickening to a stop. A tall, pale guy strode in.

"Hello," he said politely.

Harry would have replied sooner, if it wasn't for the guy's golden-bronze eyes with their hypnotic quality. He scowled once he regained his senses. "Edward? Edward Cullen?" he asked rather stiffly.

"Yes. I presume that you are the famous Mr. Potter." Edward stuck out his shining, pale hand.

Harry took it, and shivered as he made his acquaintance. "So," he started, not knowing what to say to this guy who looked like a god, "How's the Mrs.?"

"Quite pleasant," said Edward.

"Oh, so you're still together, huh?"

Edward's brow furrowed. "Are we not supposed to be? Please, Mr. Potter, don't tell me you have a crush on Bella! That would be-"

"Absolutely absurd!" he finished. "And please, Ed, call me Harry."

"Alright, Harry." Edward took the seat directly across from Harry. "Please call me Edward."

Harry faked a laugh. Edward was Harry's biggest competition in the League of Protagonists; he had to be sure that he didn't get _too_ close to this guy.

"And no," said Harry. "The latest fanfics that I've read have been rather....well....for lack of a better word..."

"Gay?" Edward answered. Harry nodded. "Yes, that's a reason I'm here today. Too many people have been writing me into relationships with my brothers. It's quite awkward, actually."

"I hear you." said Harry. "I've been put with Snape, my best friend Ron, Dumbledore, the list goes on and on."

"Oh," muttered Edward.

Harry frowned. "What? You've never read my series? Jeez, vampire boy, where have you been the past ten years!!!"

"Sorry," said Edward, stretching. "I'm just not familiar with your works. I've been pretty busy lately."

"_More like getting busy," _Harry thought to himself. "Well, I've read Twilight."

"Really? And how did you like it?"

Harry looked down at his hands after the lie. "Interesting..." He could feel Edward's creeper eyes on him again. This guy was _really_ getting under his skin. "Did you see Frodo on the way here?" he asked after a long silence.

"No, he mustn't have reached Earth when I drove here."

"Hmm," Harry gloomily replied. He wasn't looking forward to seeing the Hobbit again.

This was Edward's first League of Protagonists meeting, and last time was Harry's first. He thought that Edward's 'new kid on the block' style and popularity was just as irritating as Harry's status to Frodo years back. He sort of felt sorry for Frodo. His number of fanfics had nearly ten times that of Lord of the Rings these days, and none of the stories were about Frodo at all. At least Harry was written about- all the time. But you couldn't have Harry Potter without Harry Potter. Then again, you couldn't _really_ have Lord of the Rings without Frodo either...

Edward put a hand on shoulder. Harry jumped, being surprised and suddenly frost-bitten.

"I'm sorry I make you feel that way. Trust me, I don't think Twilight will ever have as many fanfics as your series," said Edward empathetically.

Harry's jaw dropped. "What.....how the.......huh?"

"Vampire," said Edward. "Capable of reading minds."

"Ah. Well, I can read minds too, with magical spells and potions and things," said Harry.

"Well, you are as pompous as they write about you," said Edward, smiling.

"What?!"

Harry and Edward both whipped their heads to the door. A man as old as Harry strode in, with an albino wolf at his side.

"Frodo? My god, you've changed!" Harry stood with as much welcome as he could muster. The wolf paced quickly towards him, fangs bared. "AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!" Harry jumped onto his chair, cowering away from the beast. Edward was in front of Harry in a fraction of a second, his arms spread and his own fangs showing.

The man, dressed all in black, put his scarred right hand on the wolf's head. "No, Ghost, they are not to be harmed." His voice was calm and soothing. Edward was soon back in his own seat and Harry had climbed down from the chair.

"You're not Frodo," said Harry. "...are you?"

The man shook his head solemnly. "Lord Jon Snow." He nodded curtly.

Edward returned the gesture while Harry stood up again.

"Jon Snow?!" Harry said.

"Lord Snow, if you please."

"Lord? Of what? What book are you from?!"

"The Song of Ice and Fire series, actually," said Jon, nonchalantly buffing his scabbard.

"A Song of Ice and What?!" Harry exclaimed. "What type of bullocks is this?"

"A Brit," said Jon. "You must be the famous Harry Potter, no?"

"Yes," said Harry. "The _famous _wizard, who the heck are you?"

"Harry," said Edward. "Not all series are commercial."

"COMERCIAL?????!!!!" Harry strode away angrily. "I won't stand this! This is the Protagonists League, not the I Don't Know or Care Who You Are League! I'm leaving!!!"

As Harry reached the door, he collided into a large group of people. He fell comically on his back, and the loud _crunch_ signaled that his glasses had fallen off his face and were stepped on.

"That'll teach him a little humility," he heard Edward say to Jon.

"Accio glasses!" The two pieces flew into Harry's hand. "Reparo!" Before he knew it, his old, silver rims were sitting on his nose again. He saw a matured Peter Pevensie, a drunk Jack Sparrow, and a merry Eragon enter. A three-legged person came close to Harry's head, but he saw it was just some middle-aged guy with a cane. Another guy in his late thirties, early forties entered, looking the most normal of everyone. He recognized the two darker characters immediately. Anakin Skywalker marched in confidently with his black cape swirling around him, and Erik, the Phantom of the Opera, with a new half mask shining golden on his face. A hand appeared out of nowhere to help Harry to his feet. The person was obviously a body builder- Harry needed none of his own strength to get him off the floor.

"Bruce? Bruce Wayne? Hi!" Harry stammered. "Nice to see you again. Thanks for that."

"No problem, kid." Batman, in his secret identity Bruce Wayne's signature navy Armani suit, went quickly to join the others. Harry frowned. _"Kid? Does he know who I am? I'm Harry Flippin' Potter! Some people..."_

Harry joined the circle after most had arrived.

"Hello all! You already know me, of course! I'm-"

"THE FAMOUS HARRY POTTER!" the group chanted in unison.

"Yes! Well, it's obvious that you all know me, or you _should_ know me, I mean, I'm me!" The guy with the cane rolled his eyes but didn't say anything. Peter and Eragon sniggered loudly, but Harry ignored them. "_Children."_

"Alright, well you already know me, but for those who don't- I don't know why! But I'm Harry Potter, the famous wizard. The one with the most fanfics written for them, you know." He sat back down, a cocky smile on his face.

Peter stood. "I think that in addition, we should tell our main complaint that we have with the fanfiction being written about us these days."

Harry nodded and stood abruptly. "A marvelous suggestion!" He glared at Peter. "You can sit, now!" Peter slowly sank back onto the folding chair. "Well, I think that the main problem with me is that too many people are writing about me..." He paused. "No, I'm just kidding! No, they're writing about me but they portray me as being...well, sort of pompous. A little boastful. Aloof. And I mean, we all should be written about the way we are, right? Not lies!" Harry was pleased to see everyone nodding and agreeing, but wasn't sure if it was false or not. He sat down again.

"I'm Peter Pevensie, from Chronicles of Narnia," he said rising to his feet. "I'm not a huge protagonist, more like one of four main protagonists in the first two books, but I am having huge issues with the fanfics being written about me lately! A girl drops into Narnia, falls in love with me, and we end up married and living in that world. Hello people! I have a girlfriend back in Finchley, so stop trying to pair me up with some American who just happens to be in a tiny world in a closet at the same time I am. It's just weird!" He scanned over the surprised looks from around the circle as he breathed heavily. "Thank you." He sat back down next to his friend who looked just like him.

The twin stood. "Eragon Shadeslayer from he Inheritance trilogy- oops! I mean, the Inheritance Cycle, sorry."

Harry coughed obnoxiously. _"The boy forgot his own series' name. Ha! Pathetic."_

"I feel tempted by all my writers. I love being paired with Arya, I really do, but I can't have her in real life! All the romancing, the M-rated fics..." Most of the guys whistled or sniggered. Eragon blushed. "Anyway, it's getting hard for me to be written into marrying her when in real life, she doesn't give a crap about my affections! So it's just a little annoying, is all." He sat and returned Peter's high-five.

Jon Snow, who had been sitting quietly and patiently for so long that most forgot he was there, stood slowly. "I am Lord Jon Snow of the Song of Ice and Fire series." Everyone in the circle looked confused. Jon sighed. "It's not as popular as most of your stuff, but it'll come eventually."

"How many fics do you have?" asked the guy with a cane.

Jon looked at the floor and muttered, "Close to fifty, I think."

"FIFTY!!!! HA!!!" Harry doubled over from laughing so hard. "Fifty? Oh please. _I'm_ on my way to 500,000, so put that in your scabbard, Snow! Haha!"

All laughter that had been in the room stopped. Harry's grin faded and he stared at the ground.

"Um, yes. So my complaint is that out of my-" He glared at Harry- "_Fifty _stories, I'm not in any of them. Well, at least I don't think I am. Anyways, it would be nice to be included in my own series instead of my stuck up sister Sansa who never loved me...so yeah. That's it for me."

Edward was next. "Edward Cullen-"

Everyone erupted into applause immediately, accompanied with whistles and cheers that only men would do. Harry sunk further down into his seat.

Edward smiled and patiently waited for the appreciation to die down. "Thank you all for coming today, even though we're still missing Frodo. Has anyone from the different worlds seen him at all on the way here?"

Anakin, Peter, Eragon, and Jon shook their heads. Everyone sighed with exasperation. No Frodo meant the meeting would soon be canceled.


	2. Concluding Things

**Hi everyone! Thanks for the reviews. Here's chapter 2! Enjoy!**

The Protagonists' Plea

Chapter 2: Concluding Things

The doors to the meeting hall slammed against the walls, making nearly everyone in the circle jump from their seats. A smallish man in short trousers and no shoes was panting heavily in the doorway, slumped over and looking as if he was ready to fall over. Bruce and Anakin rushed to his side and grabbed an arm.

"No, I'm alright," said Frodo, but taking the arms anyway.

Harry stood, his arms crossed. "It's about time you showed up, Baggins. What kept you? Have another ring you needed to dispose of first?" He laughed at his joke, but quieted as soon as he realized that no one was laughing with him.

Frodo glared at him. "Well I'm sorry, but it does take some time to catch a ship NOT going to the Valar you know. And it was completely out of my control that a storm blew in and we had to drop anchor in the Caribbean! I had to run the rest of the way here!" He sat in the only vacant chair left and scooted in between the guy with the cane and the normal-looking man. "By the way, Sparrow," he added.

Jack Sparrow put down his rum bottle and looked around for who was talking to him. "Yes? What was that? Oh! Frodo Baggins-Mr. I mean, oh goodness how great it is to see you again." He sloppily shook hands with the hobbit from across the circle.

"Yes it is, isn't it? Nice job on the Pearl. We passed by it after the storm. It was about time you buffed out those nasty scratches!" said Frodo.

Jack waved a finer at him. "You've no idea about krakens do you Mr. Baggins? Nasty creatures with hidden agendas they is. Merciless bastards they is. Damn that Davy Jones for sendin' it after me! Alright, so the story is-"

Harry coughed loudly. "Sparrow, is this really the time for this?"

Jack rolled his eyes in response.

Harry sighed. "Do you have a complaint or should we come back to you?"

"No, I've got meself a complaint alright," said Jack. He stood up, stumbled, and fell onto the normal-looking man's lap. The empty rum bottle he had picked up went flying and shattered somewhere hear the doorway. Jack smiled up at the forty-something year old. "Sorry about that, mate." He stood back up and patted the man on the shoulder. The man looked rather unamused, but Jack laughed heartily.

"Any day now, Captain," said Harry.

"Right." Jack brushed himself off. "I've got meself a similar problem to....that guy." He pointed a tattooed finger to Eragon. "I've been set up with a total tease of a wench and it's too tempting to me!"

"Nice alliteration," said the normal-looking man.

Jack nodded to him, even though everyone knew that Jack had no clue what alliteration even meant. "Anyhow, Elizabeth and I have been labeled 'Sparrowbeth' and, if I haven't had problems with her enough, she and I are always paired up, for me just to see her run off with the eunuch in the end- every time! It's exhausting! I want a Bonny lass of my own and not have to share her with a comrade that I've unsuccessfully tried to kill four or five times." He paused. "That's it." He sat back down.

The normal-looking guy stood up. "Hi. I'm Professor Robert Langdon."

"OH!" said everyone in the circle. "We were wondering who you were!" said Peter enthusiastically.

Robert nodded. "That's the point. Despite the popularity of my series-"

Harry snorted loudly, but Robert continued, apparently unaffected. "-I'm not being written about at all! I mean, not to complain, but you all are complaining mainly about romances. I haven't even had a romance in my own novels, nevermind fanfiction! I'm like the forty-year-old-virgin here! Give me some action, will ya!"

The men laughed. Even Robert had to grin at his sudden sense of humor, and he sat down.

"What about you, Frodo?" said Edward. "Do you have anything to say?"

Frodo hopped down from his chair. "I do, thank you, Edward. I actually have a similar problem, with writers assuming I'm a homosexual. Pair me up with someone who's not in the Fellowship, huh? Make a Mary-Sue for me, I don't care! I mean really, what do Aragorn, Legolas, and Faramir have that I don't have?"

The members looked around at each other, afraid to say anything.

"Well, you know what I mean. I'm the main character and those guys are getting all the action just 'cause they're over six feet! Give me 22 inches and I'd be just as....hunky as they are." He sat back down amongst the sniggers going around at his choice of words. He looked to his right and beckoned for the man with the can, who had been silent the whole time, to stand. He sighed and stood, looking annoyed.

"I'm here representing the T.V. section. I'm Dr. Greg House and I hate everybody and all my fanfics."

Everyone looked uneasily around the circle. Even Harry was dumbstruck.

"Well, not all of them, but I'm just easily bored with all the crap going through people's heads. God, what does it take to find good writers nowadays?" He shook his head and sat down.

A majority of the men gave surprised looks to the person across from them. A long silence lingered over the group.

Bruce came next. He stood to cheers from Peter and Eragon, who were Batman's biggest fans in the room. "Um, I'm Bruce Wayne, and I'm not a manwhore. At least, I'm not trying to be."

Laughter erupted from a portion of the group. Harry sulked, looking annoyed with every character getting more action than he was.

"So yeah, I want to be with one girl for a while. A serious relationship. Is that too much to ask?"

Erik and Anakin were the two that were left. Before the Phantom rose to speak, Harry felt inclined to question their position in the League of Protagonists.

"Now, you two have been put together because, well, you're the antiheroes of the group."

Erik and Anakin exchanged annoyed looks.

"Not like I'm trying to point fingers," Harry stammered. "But I think it would be better to ask now rather than later." He paused, shaking nervously. "Are you good guys?"

The two said nothing.

"Harry, don't be so blunt about things," said Edward, not unkindly. He turned to Erik and Anakin. "He just means that...he wants you to be on our side definitely, that's all." The phantom and jedi relaxed a little in their features. "So," he said calmly, "do you have anything you want to add?"

The silent duo shrugged their shoulders.

"_Sure, sure, vampire boy. That made things a lot easier," _Harry thought.

Edward waited for a verbal answer, which he never received. "Okay...well just let us know if you want to say anything about the subject." They nodded, and still said nothing.

Harry clapped sarcastically. "Nice job, Ed! Now if we could turn our attention to where it matters, what do we do now?"

"Decide on how to change the fanfic authors' stories and minds, I suppose," said Jon quietly. Harry rolled his eyes. "Obviously!"

"That'll be easier, now that we've concluded things," said Edward. "Anyone have any suggestions?"


End file.
